If You Had to Choose…

Between Love & Respect

Getting right down to the nitty gritty: It has been over a month of shelter in place in the same house with the same man/woman you’ve loved for years.  The marriage vows are now coming to pass, all at once! ‘For better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part’. We signed up for this…worse, poorer, sickness, and death, but never did we considered it might all be at the same time. OMG! What will become of us once we’re set free again? 

Our Mental Health is just as important as physical health, especially now. Some may be falling in love all over again, (Darlene suggested we chase our mates around the house, in a loving way) others may be contemplating suicide or murder! 

Men: with all the time you’ve been spending with the love of your life, do you truly know what she desires most from you?

Women: do you know what your mate is really needing from you, especially now, during this time of crisis?

Here is the two dollar question: If you had to choose between the two,“Do you want your spouse to love you or respect you”? The answer you give is what you’re needing most. Now check with your soul mate. Most women, choose love. For men, it’s respect from their spouse. Mental health for both when you know how to give the love she desires and show the respect he desperately needs. Mental anguish when you don’t.

Do women know how to show respect to their husband in ways that are meaningful to him?

The Bible teaches that a woman’s primary need is for love and man’s primary need is for respect. The husband must love his wife as himself, and she must respect her husband.(Eph.5:33)

This is not about the husband deserving respect; it’s about the wife being willing to treat her husband respectfully without conditions. The same as wives want to be loved unconditionally.

There is a book I highly recommend you read while passing the time. It’s called Love & Respect’ by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. It can also be purchased for your Kindle.  In it, he reveals how both men and women speak in different ‘codes’.  He clearly explains what they are and why you need to be aware of both. One area is subtitledYou Can Be Right But Wrong At The Top Of Your Voice”.  Another is The Crazy Cycle“. 

Mental health for better or for worse, Emotional health for richer or poorer, and Physical health ’til death do us part. It’s part of this crazy cycle where we all take a spin. Right now, some of us are spinning too slow, some too fast, and some out of control. Living with your mate 24/7 can drive one or both more than a little crazy. Everything that used to irritate you a little, is now getting on your last nerve! 

The book shows you the power of unconditional love and respect. The author believes every couple who reads the book will come away with a better understanding of how husbands and wives communicate. 

Simply put, quote from back cover; “A wife has one driving need – to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need – to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs is not met, things get crazy. The book, Love & Respect, reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily, and biblically.” 

So, now that you have all this time on your hands, you could order the book on audible, Kindle, hardcover or paperback.  What else do you have to do?   Staying Healthy includes it all; keeping your mind mentally stimulated, your emotions in balance, and your physical being in good shape. If you had the power to provide your spouse’s mental, physical and emotional happiness, wouldn’t you want to try it out, take it for a spin? Which would you choose first? Love or Respect?



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Pam Batey

Moved to Tanglewood in August 2016, with husband, Steve and dog, Maggie. Retired Paramedic, now continuing my hobby writing short stories and information in the "You and Your Health" Section of the newsletter. Active Member of Tanglewood Community Church.